Five years has passed yet I can still visualize the entirety of your face - your chestnut colored hair, your sweet little innocent eyes, your not-so-pointed nose, and your soft lips.
I can still vividly recall how you used to call me your "Kuya Jay".
Though five years has passed, it is still very much clear to me everything that have happened on that night of April 13.
You were lying on our sofa while talking to your cousins who just left a week ago for the United States to stay for good. I, on the other hand, was busy in front of the computer monitor browsing the internet and playing some random games on some random social media sites.
You even insisted that I let you play Game Theft Auto, but I resisted your plea. Instead, I told you to rest and regain your strength and will let you play once you're full recovered. Since you haven't been eating so well during the past few days, you somehow lost weight.
You were also playing around with Mom, tickling her, to which she responded, "Aba! Magaling na ang baby namin, nakikipagkilitian na". (Wow! Our baby's getting well. He's now trying to play tickle with me).
Then all of a sudden, we were caught in shock when we saw you trembling and already having a convulsion. It was just minutes after you ended a call with your mom who is in Manila. You were talking about plans for your upcoming 12th birthday.
Without any hesitations, Mom called the neighbor who used to own a tricycle and we drove to the nearest Emergency Service Unit. There, your temperature was checked and you were immediately given a Paracetamol suppository. Your temperature was at its peak, hence the ESU personnel decided to transfer you to the nearest government-owned hospital.
I was with you in the ESU ambulance while Mom returned home to get some clothes and a sum of money. Never did I imagine myself in an ambulance with a family member lying on its bed.
As we're on transit, it's as if my mind went completely blank and didn't mind if I'm wearing my not-so-presentable house clothes. I didn't even bother if the institution we're heading to is a public or a private one. The only thing going on in me is to get you to the hospital and have a medical doctor attend on you.
Then at the Emergency Room, a doctor checked up on you - vital signs were checked, Glasgow Coma Scale was taken and you were inserted an ET tube.
"This is not good", were the words I told myself.
The next thing I know, Mom, together with a neighbor was already there, your parents on their way from Manila and the doctor was asking us to transfer you to a tertiary hospital as you needed to be hooked to a mechanical ventilator STAT.
It was only then I was awakened by the fact that you were brought to a public institution. Though I was having my rotation on that hospital, I wouldn't vouch for the completeness of its facilities nor the speed of service specially in the ER. It was only then that I had the what-ifs - What if I asked the ambulance driver to drive us to the nearest private hospital instead? What if we went straight to Manila where there a lot of hospitals to choose from? A lot of what-ifs were rushing through me, but it was a little bit late.
I asked the resident who attended to you if we can transfer you to a private institution because it's as if they don't care about you, as if they don't bother you being in your condition. However, to my dismay, I was answered that there will be a convention of private doctors within the vicinity the following day so no one will look on you once transferred. I even asked if we can go to Manila, but they insisted on the "process of patient referral".
"Dapat po may kausap na kayo sa ospital sa Maynila na paglilipatan sa kanya para po nakaready na ang mga gamit at equipments dun". (You should have talked to the hospital to which he will transferred so that all equipments will be ready). Your parents were already on their way so there's no way to facilitate this process.
The only option left was to transfer you to the provincial hospital. We agreed as time had been passing by without your needs attended properly. Using the hospital's ambulance this time, the ER nurse and I were substituting each other to pump the bag valve mask hooked to the oxygen tank while we were transporting you. I asked Mom to stay in front of the ambulance as I know how weak she is in times like this.
We were then at the ER of the provincial hospital when your parents arrived. I was left pumping the bag while you're still at the ER. The hospital personnel said they were still looking for an available ventilator. Your mother came inside in tears seeing you lying on the ER bed. An ampule of medicine was ordered to be given STAT but it's not available within the vicinity. Your father drove all the way back to Muñoz to buy the said drug.
Finally, you were hooked to a mechanical ventilator at 1AM. Mom didn't bother to come into your room so it was only me and your mother who stayed at the bedside.
The NeuroICU Ward nurse would check on your vitals every four hours. I kept on asking how was it, and she would keep on saying that they were fine. But, I know, being a junior student nurse that time, it wasn't that good. Your pulse were already weak and thready and GCS is at 3.
It was at around 6 o'clock in the morning when the neurologist made her rounds. Your mother stepped outside as the doctor checked on your pulse once and re-checked it again. This time, no more pulse was felt. A CPR was performed but to no avail, you were not revived.
The doctor pronounce you dead at 6:41AM of April 14.
I was asked by the doctor to inform your mom about your condition. Tears from your mother once again filled the entire ward. The neuro ward nurse then asked me to assist her in doing the post mortem care. I was also asked to unhook you from the ventilator. I managed not to let a single tear drop as I whispered "I love you, goodbye. Rest well." and do what I was instructed.
Laboratory tests were ordered prior to you being admitted, but were unfortunately not taken. Ampules and vials of medicines were left unopened and were given to others in the ward.
Mom came inside in tears while we are bringing you to the morgue where a funeral service vehicle will be picking you up for burial.
I cannot help but blame myself as to why you were brought in that public hospital in the first place. If only I was on my sound mind back when we first transported you to the hospital.
As we went home to pick up some stuff, I screamed my heart out and burst myself in tears as every corner of the house reminded me of you. Every piece of furniture and things has your memories on it.
All of these memories were still fresh on my mind as if everything just happened yesterday. Today, April 22, 2013, you could have been celebrating your 17th birthday which coincides with Earth Day.
Dave, you will forever be missed. Your memories will still linger forever, not just in our minds, but in our hearts.
May you find true peace and happiness in the hands of our Creator.
We love you!
***Blogger's Note:
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http://www.123rf.com
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http://nursebuff.com
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